Role Call

“17 Things Every Girl Deserves”, “12 Things That You Ought to Expect from Your Husband”, “15 Types of Men Not to Marry” and the list goes on and on. 

Frankly,... I’m tired of them.  This girl is a lil tired of being told how the men in her church/ community ought to treat her. But, to be clear:

Should guys extend a manner of chivalry, kindness, and respect?

 Yes. And, if you know me at all, I am very much in favor of timeless courtesy.

Should they be the spiritual leaders and treat the women in their life in a considerate fashion?

 Yes. And guys, we need you to be!

But, where is the call to the women to take their role of loving respecting the men in their world?

I think that there is a resounding silence in this area because the topic of “respecting women” is ten times more of a popular idea than that of “respecting men”. Why? In the twentieth century, there was a great deal to correct in regards to women’s rights and their value in culture; I am grateful that my worth is not softened due to the fact that I am a girl. I am glad I can vote, work, and play a significant role in my community if I wish to do so. I am thankful!

But, because there has been such a push to be “pro-woman” we have become “anti-man.”

 

I so wish that more girls were being taught to respect the opposite sex rather than to view them as competition, a force to beat down, a massive enemy to conquer.

How does this apply to young women in the church? How are we being affected by this mindset? There are many factors, but I think there are two main points here:

First, girls are not being taught to encourage their brothers in Christ to be what God has made them to be as leaders, but rather girls are being drilled to expect a certain level of behavior that is “due them”. What happens when the boy has yet to attain his role as a leader? Girls mock them- violently. How often do girls tease and degrade the boy behind his back to the other girls, to his face, and sometimes in front of his friends because of her judgement on his maturity?

While it is a well-known fact that girls typically mature at a faster pace than boys, by the time the guy gets to an age to where he ought to exhibiting some sign of spiritual maturity and embracing leadership roles, the girls in his CHURCH have put him in his permanent place of  “loser”. Then, these same girls who have been backbiting the guys in their life since jr. high consider themselves the victim and ask, “Where have all the good guys gone?”


You wonder.

This next  point is actually my pet peeve (to put it …gently…): The degrading of the value of men in our society mixed  with Christianity’s recently heightened value of children has made many girls view men as nothing but part of a “package deal”. Don’t get me wrong- being a stay at home mom is a wonderful and prized career! Yes, children are a blessing from God, but to consider the role of a husband as nothing more than a father is to utterly cheapen, cut down, and damage the holy vow of marriage before God and the precious picture of marriage that God has given us. Marriage is a visible picture of the vertical worship of the Church to Christ and thus, to God the Father.

When the wife builds up the husband and encourages him, helps him, and willingly shares her talents with him, she is displaying obedience to Christ and is a picture of the Church. Likewise, when the husband loves his wife to the point that he is willing to even die for her, he is displaying the role of Christ! Is this not beautiful?! How precious is it to see a couple like this in action! How refreshing it is as a young woman to see wives embrace their roles and build up their spouse- with joy! Honestly, when I see a wife living her life like this, the odds are that the husband respects and loves his wife unconditionally. Neither role is a mandatory prerequisite to the other, but they do go together hand in hand in a radiant way. Are children a blessing from the Lord? Yes. But, the best thing a wife or a husband can do for their child is to love God. The second best thing they can do for their children is to love each other. The children do not, in any way, surpass the husband’s value in the home. It is the Biblical picture but sadly, it is often ignored or overlooked. I’m not a wife and I’m not the kind of girl that’s dying to be a mom, so the attitude that favors the child over the husband is a mystery to me. I just know what I see 1 Corinthians 11… Ok, time to get off my soapbox..

So, how do we apply this? How do we as women (in this *crazy* century) live in such a way that we don’t foster a wrong attitude towards the men God has put in our lives? Not that I have come anywhere near to perfecting this… But, here it goes.

Do not sit around in your little cliques shredding every guy that doesn't suit you. Do not post stuff on social media that would be degrading to any guy that reads it (memes, quotes, status updates, etc.) Do not lump guys together like one massive group, “All men are pigs”, “All guys are jerks”, etc. Have you met all of them? You haven't then don’t put them together as one massive group of illiterate cavemen. There are MANY good guys out there. 

Encourage them! Praise them! I don’t mean flirtatiously list what they are good at, but find ways to genuinely thank them for what they do. I’m sure somewhere along the line a guy has taken it the wrong way, but I am OK with that because there are several guys that have been genuinely grateful for the help. (On that note, don’t read into everything a guy says to you. He may legitimately think that your necklace is cool- that doesn’t mean he wants to marry you.)                                                                                           
Some of the most difficult moments come when I’m in a group setting…a guy is trying to step up and lead… and I am faced with the decision of taking over and doing it the way I want, or letting him do it. Now, this can be as simple as setting up chairs for a youth activity, organizing a school project, or arranging rides to the carnival. The big picture is that I really ought to let him do what he is trying to do- and HELP him do what he is trying to do in a way that doesn’t take away or belittle his authority. Does it sometimes take longer than the way I would want to do it  or hit some bumps in the road? Yep. But, the big picture is that here is a guy trying to step up to the plate and I can either make him feel stupid, or help him to accomplish his goal. It’s not always easy, and I don’t always make the right call, but it should always be the goal.

Fun one: feed them. Bring them cookies. It obviously doesn’t say this in the Bible... but it is a great way to build a friendship with anyone. I have never had a guy complain about it!!
Pray for them. Often. Ask them how to pray for their specific needs!

So, should men respect women? Yes. Should the men in our churches be taught to hold women to a valuable level? Yes. But girls, I don’t think I’m too far off when I say that we are neglecting OUR jobs to respect the guys that God has allowed into our life. Respecting a guy should not flow from a heart that is motivated by wanting a boyfriend, but by a heart that accepts the role that God has given us as women. Embrace and love the job God has given you! You won’t regret it! I so wish that my generation understood that we are not on opposing teams, but that we all have our roles; team positions are vital in if you wish to win the game.