Great Expectation: Single or Taken

I typically don’t post much on my blog during the busyness of the school season; but, for once,  homework has actually given me  a blog post J For a paper in one of my counseling classes, I chose to write on counseling singles. 

DISCLAIMER: I am a normal, all- American girl that has the same wants and hopes as any other girl. When I get on this topic, I tend to get reaction’s that question my sanity and normalcy…. Just because I talk about contentment in this, it doesn’t mean that I always am or that I think I’m too good for a man, lost all hope,… or any of the other ridiculous things one might hear. :)

Lie #1: Life does not begin until I reach the altar.

If you want to waste the first major portion of your life, that’s the way to go about it.  I am a firm believer that, in order to get swept of her feet, a girl must first be standing on her own two feet. “THIS is the day the Lord hath made; I will rejoice and be GLAD in it!” God has given you the incredible joy of living life and loving Him throughout ALL of it! True living begins the moment you become a child of God, not when you change your last name. Serve Him!!!

Lie #2: I need a relationship to complete me.

No! I am complete in Thee! Spending life searching for my “other half” is really just ignoring the fantastic gift of the complete work of Christ. By God’s almighty grace, I am His daughter and, as such, I have every resource, every gift, every person in my life to do exactly what I am called to do. By “called,” I don’t mean for the next 50 years, I mean for today! If I needed anything else to fulfill God’s will He would have given it to me.

Lie #3: Marriage is a gift, not singleness.

No! 1 Corinthians 7 specifically refers to singleness as a gift! The freedom and flexibility of this gift is unlike any other. Both marriage and singleness are good and God can be glorified in either facet of life. It is essential for one to depend on God in order for either lifestyle to be lived out faithfully. Even if singleness is not the will of God for the rest of life, it is His will for the present and it must not be refuted. By finding identity in Christ, not in a relationship status, a single person is trusting in the Lord to give what is good and is embracing His will as a gift. Christ must be the source of contentment, not a set of circumstances.

Lie #4: Happiness comes from marriage (therefore, I must wait to be happy)

No! I don’t know much, but I am convinced that the amount of happiness you have pre-marriage has one of the greatest impacts on how happy you will be in your marriage. If I spend my single years expecting marriage, not God, to answer to all of my emotional/ mental/ physical needs, I am breeding years of disappointment in my life.

Personally, I get rather sick of the pins, posts, blogs, songs, tweets etc that all go on about how girls should, “dance with God, and one day He’ll let the right man cut in.” Umm…false. I do not want God to ever let some man cut Him out of His job and position as #1 in my life. If I idolize a hypothetical, potential relationship while I am single, I am already setting myself up (and the hypothetical boy) for disappointment and heartache. Newsflash: Even Prince Charming is human. God has given us a desire that only He can fill; expecting a relationship to fill every void and to create supreme happiness is making a messiah out of a sinner, and that is doomed to fail. 

As far as I can tell, the TRUTH about happiness, joy and contentment is level across the board. What is true about God is single life is equally true in dating/married life. By learning to love God, and how true love is expressed, I am actually doing my future spouse a huge favor (assuming that is God’s plan :) ). Even if I got married and my entire life was solely devoted to fulfilling every whim and wish he had, I would still be doing more harm than good. I’ve read case studies where this was true of the wife to the husband, and he had no space; she was glued to his every word. Every move he made was analyzed by his wife, and if she did not perform every task exactly as she thought he preferred, her day was ruined and emotions ran wild. Jealousy and lack of trust oozed into every aspect of their marriage and it was as if they were both in prison.

  

Any relationship on any level (friend, boyfriend, mother, cousin) is best served when the two have the common goal of loving and serving the Lord. 

In a nutshell, singleness is a gift, not a broken thing that must be fixed. Not everyone is meant to be paired up. One’s walk with God takes must be the greatest concern, not finding “your other half.” Sharpen skills, minister in your local church, reach out to young people, have adventures, make yourself available to help! Get out there!

( A fear that I hear the most about: By embracing life and all its opportunities, will it scare off some boys? I think it does and probably will. But, the men that are looking for confident, well rounded women… might just take notice ;)

What is the true reward, though? A healthy, thriving relationship with God.  How about emotions that are not allowed to run your life? That’s a plus! How about the fact that this removes the focus off of self and self-pity, but points to God? How about eyes that are removed from self and are seeking the needs of others? Use your time well! Get over yourself and what you think you need and get out there! Start looking for and meeting the needs of others! 

PS You are single, not a martyr. It is a gift, not a disease.