Why? Thats a good question. I'm not sure if it is because the EOS is in sight (end of semester/end of sentence...whichever you prefer ;D), but just when I think my heart has learned to be still... I learn it sho nuff hasnt.
I have learned a lot about not only my God but also myself this semester. I've learned that confusion always has a domino effect in my world. I've learned that listening to people share their hearts is one of my greatest interests and maybe perhaps an "ability". I've learned that my mind's way of learning/interpreting is very unique, to say the least. I've confirmed that even though I am probably not be too great or grand on stage, it is one of the most natural pleasures ever. I have learned that my heart yearns to rest, but it does not always rest in the right things. I've learned that I fall short in a lot of ways. I have taken a few classes this semester that are not the easiest in the world. God has definitely kept me humble this year! At this point in the game, I look back in retrospect and I don't recognize the Bethany Woodfin of April 2010. I look back and I see how God has used people, camp, school, classmates, choir tour and even disappointments to mold me. I am nothing fantastical. If anything else, I have learned a great deal about my own inadequacies. I have been pushed beyond what earlier would have even been conceivable. My faith has been stretched; my heart softened while strengthened; my joy increased.
After Christmas break, I asked God to take this semester and stretch me beyond my imagination. This semester I have taken 17.5 credits, worked, been in a play, and practiced piano about 10 or 12 hours every week. At minimum, I am quite exhausted. However, I never before have seen God in such a distinct way. Good grief, now I'm tearing up just thinking about it... I have had more 2 AM conversations with my Abba than I care to number, but through it all He has had His way; His way is perfect. My God has supplied every need, including the ones I am not even aware of. There are mornings I feel physically ill at the thought of waking up and facing another day and the only thing that literally gives me any strength is to know my God is there. I don't remember having to ever make daily moment-to-moment surrenders to God about anything, but I have had to this semester. The days I cannot connect thoughts or even remember what class comes next, God is there and completely comforts. To face challenges and realize that your strength is not enough(no matter how crazy late you stay up) brings a healthy dose of realization that God has to supply what strength has yet to be fulfilled. I've not been the kind of kid that walks on campus and instantly has everything figured out and becomes the most popular kid ever or has always looked the greatest....there have been more next-to-no-makeup days than I should care to recall...sorry,guys! Sorting through things, losing ties/adding new ones, and discovering more about myself has been a journey in and of itself. Through every second of every hour-God has been profoundly good.
Got joy? I do <3
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